Adventures in HouseSitting
by Sita-chan
Summary: [blush][late blink week fic; happy birthday, b!] Blink and Mush house-sit for Jack. Chaos, of course, ensues. Rating for mentions of sex and lots of porn-talk.


Short intro today, guys! Just letting you know that, yes, I have written a Blush fic, and, no, I have not gone insane. This is a late Blink Week fic (even though it focuses on Blink _and_ Mush) in honor of the nirfday of B, aka studentnumber24601. Who I love and adore because she is teh sex0r. So. Here is this pointless piece of fluff that I hope you'll all enjoy. -beams-

Disclaimer: Sita does not own Blink, Mush, Jack, or _Newsies_ in general. -le sigh-

Warnings: Mentions of sex and porn

Adventures in House-Sitting

"House-sitting, yeah, yeah, house-sitting!"

"Mush. Stop."

"Best house-sitters ever, oh, yeeeeah!"

"It's like... nine o'clock in the morning. Can you possibly _not_ sing that loud?"

"... house-sitting, oh, yeah! Okay, I'm done."

"Thank God. Now we have to- are you not wearing pants?"

"Pants are for the weak!"

"No, pants are for the sane. Go put them on."

"But Bliiiiink-"

"Mush. Pants. Now."

"Oh, you _like_ me with no pants."

"Of course I do. But the neighbors don't. And all the windows are open. And that screeching that you call singing has lured them out of their houses."

"... let me go find my pants."

"Good boy."

-----

"Blink, I fed the fish!"

"Great, thanks! How much did you give them?"

"... how much what?"

"How much fish food?"

"... there's actual fish food?"

"Did you just _totally_ take a trip into La La Land when Jack was telling us what to do?"

"Jack told us what to do?"

"I am _so_ never house-sitting with you again."

"_We're house-sitting?!_"

"Very funny. What did you feed the fish, Mush?"

"Um... I made them a cheese sandwich."

"... I'd laugh, but I can see the fish tank and there actually is a sandwich floating in there. So, instead, I think I'll find a nice, hard desk to bang my head against."

"What?! Come on, it was an honest mistake!"

"Mush, nobody just drops a sandwich into a fish tank and expects it to get eaten."

"... I do."

"Okay, nobody _besides_ you!"

"Oh, come on, other people have done it! It's a common misconpension."

"... you mean misconception?"

"Whatever. It's a miscon-something."

"Oh, my God, you have _so_ many problems."

"I just figured... you know, if I left it in there long enough, they'd start nipping at it. Nip. Nip, nip."

"Stop it."

"Nipnipnip."

"Do _not_ poke me."

"Nippity nip nip."

"Go get the sandwich out of the goddamn fish tank."

"Yessir."

-----

"Okay, Mush, I think this is pretty far up on the list of things _not_ to do while house-sitting."

"I'm just dancing!"

"On the _table_. With a _broom_. To _Flashdance_, which is _always_ a no-no."

"Quiet, you! Irene Cara is my goddess!"

"Don't I feel special?"

"Aw, Blink, you can be my goddess, too!"

"Or not. Get off the table."

"But I don't wanna! You can come dance, too!"

"I think I'll stay right here, thanks."

"Okay, your loss!"

"..."

"What?"

"Okay, you're not even dancing any more! You're just like... humping the broom!"

"No, I'm dancing. And it's not _my_ fault that you don't want to dance with me."

"... okay, move over."

"I win!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, rea- BLINK!"

"Yeeees?"

"You can't put your hand there! That's cheating!"

"What? I'm just dancing."

-----

"Okay, Mush, we still have to-"

"No."

"No what?"

"No. I don't want to do any more dumb stuff."

"You are _such_ a five-year-old."

"Which makes you a dirty old pedophile."

"Shush, you."

"But Bliiink, this is boring!"

"Did I ever say that any of this would be fun?"

"... um, yeah, actually. You did."

"Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I?"

"You said that we'd get to live in Jack's house and eat his food and watch his big-ass TV and have sex in his bed. And so far, I have gotten not much food and not much TV and _no_ sex. I'm not liking the no sex thing."

"And you think I _am_?"

"Quick question... _why_, exactly, has there been no sex?"

"Well... well, because we have stuff to do. You know, taking care of all of Jack's crap."

"And have we taken care of his crap so far?"

"Well... well, no, not really."

"Exactly. And since we're not taking care of his crap, why must we continue to deny ourselves?"

"... did you get that from a cheesy romance novel?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"But, seriously! We're just sitting around, doing nothing and screwing up Jack's house! So let's just give up and do it!"

"... I'll get the chocolate body paint."

"I'll get the handcuffs."

-----

"Ooooh..."

"Mush, what are you doing?"

"... nothing."

"Are you looking through Jack's mail?"

"Noooo..."

"Um, yeah, you definitely are."

"Okay, so I am."

"You know, tampering with the mail is a federal offense."

"Shhh, Blink, baby, don't ruin the moment."

"What moment?"

"Let's see... bill... bill... a letter from his aunt..."

"Ooh, open it!"

"I thought it was a federal offense."

"Only if we get caught."

"It's kinda short. 'Dear Francis-'"

"_Francis_?!"

"Jack's name is _Francis_!"

"Ah, blackmail is a beautiful, beautiful thing. What else does it say?"

"Not much. Just reminding him to wash his underwear."

"Are you _serious_?"

"Dead. Look, it says right here: 'don't forget to give your clothes a washing once and a while. Especially your underwear. I know how filthy you college boys can get.'"

"We're not filthy!"

"We _so_ are."

"Okay, we are. What else is there?"

"More bills... hmm, a magazine... EW."

"What?!"

"STRAIGHT PORN."

"EW."

"I can't believe I _touched_ that."

"Go wash your hands."

"If I catch hetero from this, I am _so_ suing."

"..."

"What?"

"You scare me sometimes."

"I know."

-----

"Toilet's backed up."

"What?"

"The _toilet_ is _backed up_."

"How bad?"

"Um... there's water all over the floor in the bathroom."

"Oh, _crap_. Mush, get some towels and the plunger."

"..."

"What are you waiting for?"

"That's toilet water."

"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock."

"... it's _icky_. I'm not touching it."

"Well, I'm not doing it by myself."

"Bliiiink-"

"Towels. Plunger. _Now_."

"You don't love me any more."

"I love you. But I have to be alive to continue to love you. And if Jack comes back, and his bathroom is ruined, I won't be."

"... fine. But I'm not cleaning it."

"One of us has to! Look, I'll wipe up the floor, and you plunge the toilet. You won't even have to touch the water."

"No."

"_Mush_."

"Nooo!"

"Fine. Fine, then, it's not getting done."

"Okay."

"And it's all your fault."

"All righty then."

"My blood will be on your hands."

"Cool beans."

"... I'm gonna go clean the bathroom."

"You do that."

-----

"Mush, please tell me that you're not doing what I think you're doing."

"Okay, I won't!"

"Are you messing around with Jack's computer?"

"Just his Temporary Internet Files. Jeez, with all the porn this guy looks at, you think he'd have enough sense to clean it out his cache once and a while."

"Jesus Christ! Why do you care about Jack's porn?"

"I was just curious!"

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought him back!"

"... that was dumb."

"Your _mom_ is dumb."

"... just stop talking."

"'Kay."

"So stop screwing around with Jack's porn files."

"Just let me click around a lit- OH, MY GOD!"

"GET IT AWAY! CLICK IT OFF!"

"NAKED LADY ON SCREEN! EW, EW, EW!"

"MAKE IT- okay, it's gone."

"I swear, the hetero-vibes in this house are out to get us."

"_Come to the dark side, Muuuush_..."

"Shut up!"

"Now that you've been thoroughly traumatized, get out of- ... is that gay porn?"

"Um, no! No, it's not!"

"... you've been looking at porn on Jack's computer."

"No!"

"..."

"Maybe..."

"..."

"Okay, yes."

"No sex for you today."

"Dammit!"

-----

"Hey, guys!"

"Hey, Jack! How was your trip?"

"It was great. I needed that. Listen, thanks so much for watching... what's in my fish tank?"

"... nothing."

"Are my plants dead?"

"They could be..."

"Where's my mail? And what the hell happened to my bathroom?! Did you guys do _anything_ while you were here?!"

"We did lots of stuff!"

"_Besides_ have sex!"

"..."

"Did you have sex on my _table_?"

"Um..."

"On my _couch_?"

"Funny story about that-"

"_In my bed_?"

"Define 'sex.'"

"... get out of my house."  
"Going."

"Gone."

End

Oh, my God, that was so weird and pointless. And, yet, I like it, for some odd reason. SO! Happy birthday, B! -tackleglomplovehugsnug- Hope you don't hate it. -beams-


End file.
